childeishly | 🐳 imeeji; inbox 2.

I don’t know if I would go that far, Kunikuzushi… I picked fights, got into trouble, made things hard for everybody. Not exactly intentionally. It just happened. No matter where I went things just… happened. It’s like a little black rain cloud persistently hung overhead, and it just spelled disaster for anybody that happened to get caught under it with me. He thought he was helping… [ he sighs, going to the shore to take a seat. ] It’s complicated, always was, always is, and… always will be. I try not to think about it, but all I know is I don’t want the same for my younger siblings. I want them to enjoy the time they have when things are innocent and the world is still a nice place. They’ll realize soon enough that everything’s terrible… but I want them to linger in the time before that for as long as humanly possible and I’ll do whatever it takes to make that happen.

He wanted to send you away. He didn't want to help you. You're delusional if you think otherwise.

I don’t necessarily think he wanted to help me either, but… [ he gives a sigh, grabbing scara’s arm and yanking him into his lap. ] It doesn’t matter anymore. [ he snakes his arms around him, holding him tightly. ] …what’s done is done. You don’t need to get upset for me.

Like I said his stupidity is the reason I met your dumb ass. I'm not upset.

[ he is upset and it shows ]

It bothers you though, doesn't it? Or you wouldn't have nightmares. Humans ... they're truly awful.

... [ he can tell that he's upset. ] It bothers you too. And I regularly have nightmares about a lot of different things. It's not just humans. Everything and everybody's got the capacity to be awful.

Fair enough. We're both awful as well aren't we? But at least you wouldn't abandon family.

I'm certainly not a good person. Not every family's worth sticking around for... [ holds scaramouche a bit tighter. ] And my family consists of more than just my father. [ ... ] I'm not going to abandon you, by the way...

Your mother was nice. Your younger siblings too.

[ but the rest, he didn't like. He doesn't comment on that last part - he wants to believe Childe, and does, mostly. But of course there's always fear ]

I'll have to introduce you sometime. [ ... ] And you know I'm working with sensei and Emet-Selch to... you know, take care of my situation, so we may not necessarily have to worry about it being a problem.

[ he's quiet at that, for a long enough it's going to feel awkward ]

You're not allowed to die, so I won't entertain the thought.

...you know. I never really cared all that much. About dying, that is. If I could do so in the heat of an incredible battle, then that would be the best death that I could ask for. But now, although I still crave intesense fights and heated battles, I don't necessarily want to... [ he trails off. ] Things have changed. Making sure I'm there for you and Zhongli Xiansheng is a priority.

If you break your promise I will find you and drag you to a worse place than even the abyss. I will never forgive you. And I will make sure you never know peace.

So you have to be careful.

I'll be beating myself up worse than you or anyone or anything else ever could if I broke my promise. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. [ he buries his face in the back of scaramouche's head, shutting his eyes, just squeezing him tightly. ]

Ah, look at me, I wanted to cheer you up and now I'm all gloomy. Maybe I'll get better with a kiss, mm?

...you're so subtle. [ he gives a bit of a laugh as he slides a hand up his chest to take a hold of his chin, turning it so he can give him a proper kiss. ] I haven't exactly been helping the mood. I'm sorry you had to see all that. If I knew you were coming to my dreams I would have prepared something better.

[ there is a pause as he considers whether he wants to be sincere or not, but eventually ]

I'm just worried for you.

... [ childe squeezes him just a little bit tighter. ] I'm sorry I worried you.

I love you.

So it comes with the territory, doesn't it?

[ childe's cheeks pink. ] Kind of does, yeah. I love you too, and if you ever need to get anything off your chest I hope you know I'm here for you.

[ he's quiet for a moment at that, like he's considering it ]

... I told you a little before, didn't I. About the first person I ever loved. How he was killed.

Katsuragi was the first family I ever had. He was my friend. Back in those days, I thought I'd keep living with him forever.

...a little bit. I know a lot of people learned more than I managed to in that ideal world of yours. [ childe just got murdered a bunch and made negative headway... ] He was... human, right? [ so that forever caveat... oof. ]

[ he nods ]

With all the flaws that entails. Even before he was killed ... in the end, he was terrified of me. He thought of me as an abomination. We didn't part in good terms, I ran away.

... [ he did not know that. he thought their relationship had been... good. ] Kunikuzushi. [ it's said softly, murmured into the side of his head, as childe realizes that perhaps the reason scaramouche was reluctant to listen to him at first was because of all of... that... ] You're anything but an abomination...

[ he doesn't know how much he believes that. But he hums at the words, and even reaches for Childe's hand ]

You won't betray me.

...people see us similarly. And no, you're too important to me.

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